I wrote awhile back in a post that boy (not sure what I named him?) had totally threw me for a loop, as in made me feel like I was the girl he wanted to call his girlfriend, called me babe and baby and then totally quit talking to me, after having “talked” (southern word for the dating before becoming official) for a good month. Well during that week that he decided he wasn’t going to talk to me I realized that I deserved better and was going to completely write him off when he decided he was going to talk to me again. On the sixth day of not talking to him I had pretty much written off the idea of ever talking to him again, because I simply couldn’t imagine how he would go about recovering from that “week off”; granted this was a bit of a dramatic thought because we have several mutual friends. Well sure enough, on day number seven, boy decides that he does want to talk to me again and sends “hey cutie” which starts a full blown conversation which led into us hanging out and then later us becoming “official.” The text he sent completely caught me off guard and for some (UNKNOWN) reason I totally feel right back to where I was when we had first started talking. It’s so frustrating to me that I can be so determinded in my head but when I actually get put into the situation I can’t say YES! to him asking me out fast enough. Needless to say, I should have realized that although he repeatedly stated that he was “sure of what he wanted, and what he wanted was me” that it is nearly impossible to get your stuff together that quickly and that I should have been more cautious. Two weeks in, he’s on his way out. I know in my heart that dating him was not the right decision for many reasons, such as we are two totally different people who very different visions on how a relationship should be, he had not been in very many relationships at all and the longest was five months where as I had been in a few relationships and one was for three and a half years, hunting was his main concern and I felt that when you got a girlfriend you should make time (not give up your hobbies) for said girlfriend, etc. I know it was only for a short time (two months of committment to him total I’d say) but I feel so hurt for the basic reason that I feel like a fool. I feel like I should have known better. I feel like I shouldn’t have jumped at the opportunity to have a boyfirend after feeling like being single for six months was too long. I feel mad at myself for putting trust in him. I’m mad because it wasn’t time well wasted.
It’s an interesting thing to want to tell your personal story to a blog that people may or may not read and if people do read it, they are strangers. I find comfort in it though. I’m only twenty and I know that better days are to come, but for today, life sucks and I can’t help but feel like I’m doomed. I’m allowing myself to feel like this for the very reason that I really never feel like this, I’m more of a life-goes-on-kinda-girl. Today though, life sucks.
There’s a couple things that make things better though…
This is a painting I did recently. I am not an artist by any definition of the word, but I decided that I wanted to create something for sweet Addisons nursery and this is what I came up with. Who whould have thought that art could make a person feel better, more accomplished and relaxed? Not me, that’s for sure.
Looking at awesome pictures from Summer 2010 of great friends!
Sweet Monkey Girl
And there are, of course, many other things that make it all better but those are just a few!
Oh, I’d add a picture of me & ole fail boy but…we never got a picture. He’s a butt like that. Clearly.